Friendship

Something I have been pondering a lot lately is the nature of friendship. I feel like one can fight and fight to keep relationships alive and so often they die off. Why is that?

I have been blessed with a few friends in my life I would consider forever people. The kind where you have such an intimate and open connection that it doesn't matter how much time passes between you, it's easy to pick up right where you left off. I have maybe a handful of those people in my life and for them I am eternally thankful.

Yet the rest... it feels like a losing battle much of the time.

It makes me sad. I know it's a natural progression in life. That you meet new people, we change, we grow and life goes on. I KNOW that. It doesn't make it any less difficult. It doesn't make it any less lonely.

From the outside I seem to have a lot of support and great people in my life. That is only partly true. I have hundreds of acquaintances and very very few friends. There are a great deal of people that have touched my life in one way or another, or that I share a commonality with, or that I happen to know someone they know, but true friendship is hard to find and even more difficult to keep. Life can be pretty lonely.

To me friendship is a lot like that country song:
"You find out who your friends are
Sombody who's gonna drop everything
Run out and crank up their car
Hit the gas, get there fast
Never stop and think "what's in it for me?" or "it's way too far"
They just show on up with their big ol' heart
You find out who your friends are"

This has been a difficult and challenging year. I have grown a lot as a person and perhaps I have just "changed" too much for some people (parenthood will do that). Sadly there have been VERY few people who have cared enough to stay part of my life, let alone just called to check in. I won't lie, it hurts.

When I had my son people swarmed us. When he had colic and reflux most folks vanished.
When we stopped going to our church because it was too difficult with the baby no one noticed, and if they did they didn't call. We could have been on the brink of divorce and no one would have cared enough to just "check in."
When I posted things about being severely depressed, only two people made sure to check in on me.

The list could go on.

I know friendship is reciprocal. I honestly try my best to make connections. Ask those who make and effort for me and they will agree. I'm just tired of being forgotten unless it's convenient. I'm hurt that so few people try. I have made an honest effort, there's not much else I can do but sit by and watch old friendships die. Maybe it's me. Maybe I'm just not worthwhile.


Ok. No more sad thinking. On to better things in life. . .