Operation skinny mama is not going so well. After my first post regarding the plan my weight jumped up to 158.8 and I've spent the past two weeks fighting to get it back down to my "starting" weight of 156. It's very frustrating. Sigh.
I truly want to get on this. My mini goal of getting to 150 by January is certainly not happening. I'd have to drop nearly a pound a day for until them, not happening. I really need to get on it!
I have a new goal and mantra: 15 in 3. May not be possible but I want to try to lose 15 lbs by the end of March, my birthday. I really want to fit back into my normal clothes by then. That would give me another 2 months to lose the last 10lbs for my larger goal. I believe I can do it, and better yet I've got a friend with the same goal to support me through it.
Damn weather hasn't helped either. It's been so cold outside, which means our unfinished basement is freezing too. It's very hard to run on the treadmill when its like 30 degrees. I plan to get into it more again after Christmas. Everything is just too busy right now. Hopefully this weekend I can hit it again when it warms up a bit. Stupid snow.
So things are just not working according to plan. Damn cookies. I refuse to let my sugar addiction control me anymore. Time to kick some ass and take some names. Good bye fat girl, time to disappear forever!
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Binkies, breastfeeding and quotes
Bye-bye Binkie:
Today we are going binkie free for my big boy. He is 27 months old, it's time to call it quits. We attempted this a couple months ago and it was an epic failure. I am very determined to make it work this time.
We started by losing the binkie this morning. When he asked for it I made a big production of looking for binkie. After we couldn't find it for a while I sat him down and told him binkie must have gone bye-bye. When you get to be such a big boy binkie knows you don't need it anymore and it goes bye-bye. He was sort of ok with that until I tried to put him down for nap.
He asked for it again and I reminded him that it was gone and gave him his lovies. I told him that his lovies are special because they are his forever and will never go bye-bye. He fussed for a couple mintues then went to sleep. SUCCESS!
The challenge is going to be tonight and the next couple days. With any luck he will just let it go and be done with it. More likely it will be a battle.
My back up plan is this. If I get totally desperate in a couple days I will "find" binkie. BUT I'm going to cut the end off it. I've been told by several people that this works, that they just lose interest in it. If this too fails then we are going to take a trip to Build a Bear and make a "Binkie bear" together. He will pick out his special toy and put his binkie inside it instead of a heart, that way he always has binkie but in a different form. If that fails and Judah manages to cut the binkie out of the bear (I wouldn't put it past him) then we will have a binkie fly-away party. He likes balloons, it could work... One of these has to work right?!
ETA:
A day in the life:
So the other day I took the boys on some errands. We gt to King Soopers to fill a prescription and get groceries. I checked the clock, we should have plenty of time before Luke needs to nurse. WRONG! The line for the pharmacy was super long and the lack of movement woke the wee man up. I thought perhaps if I just continued shopping he'd fall back to sleep.
So I'm wandering the store with Judah screaming for a damn cookie and Luke screaming in general. I grabbed 90% of my groceries. I had several idiots come up and tell me, "oh boy that's one upset baby! sounds like he's hungry." 1.) No shit Sherlock! How did you ever figure that one out?! 2.) What the hell do you expect me to do about it? 3.) Thank you, that is extremely unhelpful. If you hadn't noticed, I'm a mother of 2, that means I've done this before. I KNOW when my kid is hungry!
So I need to breastfeed the baby. Options: leave the groceries and take both kids to the car. Problem with that is it's 13 degrees and I already have most of the groceries and Judah is going to pitch a fit if I put him in the car, take him out again, get groceries again and then get the prescription, not going to happen. Option 2: find a place to nurse in the store. At any other store this would not be a problem. They have furniture sections, dressing rooms, etc. Easy. Kings though only does groceries. There is not one place to sit down. Option 3: women's bathroom.
So to the bathroom we went. I asked a cashier to watch my cart and took the boys in. I locked us in the handicap stall, whipped out the boob and spent the next 15 minutes feeding Luke while yelling at Judah to quit playing with the toilet and stop eating toilet paper. Oh and I was sitting on the floor, of a public bathroom, with my baby. When we got out of the stall, I put Luke on the changing table so I could wash Judah's hands. Out of one of the regular stalls comes a woman in crutches. Now I really feel like an asshole. Thankfully she's a mom too and totally understands. Still.
So we finish shopping and head home. Good times!
Now I'm just pissed off by the lack of friendliness to nursing mothers in business establishments. If breastfeeding is so "offensive" then provide me with somewhere to go so I don't have to do it in public. Next time I plan to just whip out the boob and keep shopping.
Operation Skinny Mama update:
I have managed to exercise almost everyday for the past week. Boy is my body tired and sore! On my 4th run post-partum I made it 5K! Woot woot! That is progress. So far the scale has not moved but we'll see. It may take sometime. Like I've said, I'm more focused on making milk these days, that is my priority. Though fitting into my regular jeans would be nice too.
Quotes of the week:
Judah: "Hot chocolate is yummy! Do you want some? I would like some hot chocolate please."
"She just wants me for my body." Thanks to Uncle Chocolate for that one!
"aww! Kitties are soft and cuddly. Nice kitty!" Judah snuggling a play-d'oh cat
Today we are going binkie free for my big boy. He is 27 months old, it's time to call it quits. We attempted this a couple months ago and it was an epic failure. I am very determined to make it work this time.
We started by losing the binkie this morning. When he asked for it I made a big production of looking for binkie. After we couldn't find it for a while I sat him down and told him binkie must have gone bye-bye. When you get to be such a big boy binkie knows you don't need it anymore and it goes bye-bye. He was sort of ok with that until I tried to put him down for nap.
He asked for it again and I reminded him that it was gone and gave him his lovies. I told him that his lovies are special because they are his forever and will never go bye-bye. He fussed for a couple mintues then went to sleep. SUCCESS!
The challenge is going to be tonight and the next couple days. With any luck he will just let it go and be done with it. More likely it will be a battle.
My back up plan is this. If I get totally desperate in a couple days I will "find" binkie. BUT I'm going to cut the end off it. I've been told by several people that this works, that they just lose interest in it. If this too fails then we are going to take a trip to Build a Bear and make a "Binkie bear" together. He will pick out his special toy and put his binkie inside it instead of a heart, that way he always has binkie but in a different form. If that fails and Judah manages to cut the binkie out of the bear (I wouldn't put it past him) then we will have a binkie fly-away party. He likes balloons, it could work... One of these has to work right?!
ETA:
A day in the life:
So the other day I took the boys on some errands. We gt to King Soopers to fill a prescription and get groceries. I checked the clock, we should have plenty of time before Luke needs to nurse. WRONG! The line for the pharmacy was super long and the lack of movement woke the wee man up. I thought perhaps if I just continued shopping he'd fall back to sleep.
So I'm wandering the store with Judah screaming for a damn cookie and Luke screaming in general. I grabbed 90% of my groceries. I had several idiots come up and tell me, "oh boy that's one upset baby! sounds like he's hungry." 1.) No shit Sherlock! How did you ever figure that one out?! 2.) What the hell do you expect me to do about it? 3.) Thank you, that is extremely unhelpful. If you hadn't noticed, I'm a mother of 2, that means I've done this before. I KNOW when my kid is hungry!
So I need to breastfeed the baby. Options: leave the groceries and take both kids to the car. Problem with that is it's 13 degrees and I already have most of the groceries and Judah is going to pitch a fit if I put him in the car, take him out again, get groceries again and then get the prescription, not going to happen. Option 2: find a place to nurse in the store. At any other store this would not be a problem. They have furniture sections, dressing rooms, etc. Easy. Kings though only does groceries. There is not one place to sit down. Option 3: women's bathroom.
So to the bathroom we went. I asked a cashier to watch my cart and took the boys in. I locked us in the handicap stall, whipped out the boob and spent the next 15 minutes feeding Luke while yelling at Judah to quit playing with the toilet and stop eating toilet paper. Oh and I was sitting on the floor, of a public bathroom, with my baby. When we got out of the stall, I put Luke on the changing table so I could wash Judah's hands. Out of one of the regular stalls comes a woman in crutches. Now I really feel like an asshole. Thankfully she's a mom too and totally understands. Still.
So we finish shopping and head home. Good times!
Now I'm just pissed off by the lack of friendliness to nursing mothers in business establishments. If breastfeeding is so "offensive" then provide me with somewhere to go so I don't have to do it in public. Next time I plan to just whip out the boob and keep shopping.
Operation Skinny Mama update:
I have managed to exercise almost everyday for the past week. Boy is my body tired and sore! On my 4th run post-partum I made it 5K! Woot woot! That is progress. So far the scale has not moved but we'll see. It may take sometime. Like I've said, I'm more focused on making milk these days, that is my priority. Though fitting into my regular jeans would be nice too.
Quotes of the week:
Judah: "Hot chocolate is yummy! Do you want some? I would like some hot chocolate please."
"She just wants me for my body." Thanks to Uncle Chocolate for that one!
"aww! Kitties are soft and cuddly. Nice kitty!" Judah snuggling a play-d'oh cat
Saturday, December 3, 2011
Operation Skinny Mama
I'm finally almost 6 weeks post-partum! Woot woot! For those of you that don't know that means I have the ok to start exercising finally. I'm super excited about it. My legs have been itching to run for weeks now.
I went on my first run last Tuesday. I decided to set a time goal rather than speed or distance. So Tuesday I jogged for 30 minutes. According to my crappy treadmill I ran 2.25 miles so roughly 4.5 mph pace. Jeff and I both believe it is really off. Probably by about .7mph. Point in case- at my best shape I was running on our treadmill at 6.5 mph; I went to our local gym one day and ran on theirs and found that my "normal" pace was actually around 8mph. Anyway, for the purpose of my blogging about my weightloss journey I'll just go with the readings from my crappy treadmill.
So then last night (Friday) I decided to run again. This time I went 2.6 miles. I'm super excited! It looks like I'm finally seeing the benefits of having exercised throughout my entire pregnancy, The weight may not have come off instantly, but I'm still clearly in great shape. When I first started running it took weeks to build up to continuously running that long. I can't wait to see how long it takes to get back up to 5 miles 5x a week!
Now for the plan: Operation Skinny Mama
Goal: to be 130lbs by May 2012
Current: 156lbs
Bigger goal: run the colfax 1/2 marathon in May 2012
Smaller goal: 150lbs by January
Now I'm flexible on the exact number for my goal weight. 130 would be awesome, but I'd rather be in shape and heavier than not exercising to the extent I want and thinner. We shall see!
The plan is to watch my calories but more importantly fuel my body with good foods. After all not all calories are created equal. Sugar does not fuel the body in the same way vegetables do. So I plan to eat more God made foods than man-made foods. I'm using MyFitnessPal to track my foods and calories. It's been very helpful and enlightening. Apparently I have been eating quite a bit more than I really need which is probably why I haven't seen much of a weightloss yet.
The tricky part about dieting is that I am breastfeeding Luke. I cannot really cut down the number of calories I'm eating without hurting my milk supply. The benefit of nursing is that it burns roughly 500 calories a day, but I still need to make sure I'm eating enough to produce milk. Hence the emphasis on eating RIGHT rather than eating less.
In addition to eating better I am going to continue to exercise. The plan for December is to go on a run every other day and do strength training on my off days. Strength training will consist of light weight lifting, lunges, burpees, push-ups, etc. I need to rebuild some lost muscles so I can run harder and faster. I really want to run the 1/2 in May so I've got to start training for it in January. 13 miles doesn't seem like much but it's a ton when you haven't run at all in 16 weeks.
So that's the plan! Anyone who wants to join me can look me up on MFP, username: Cyrena0825
Mostly I just want to get back to my hot, athletic self again. I like being in shape and healthy. I want my skinny jeans to fit again.
Today I bid goodbye to my beloved scones, m&m's, cookies and other sugary desserts. It's time for a new beginning. This is the only body I am ever going to have and I need to treat it right for the long run.
"No matter how slow you run, you are still lapping the person on the couch."
I went on my first run last Tuesday. I decided to set a time goal rather than speed or distance. So Tuesday I jogged for 30 minutes. According to my crappy treadmill I ran 2.25 miles so roughly 4.5 mph pace. Jeff and I both believe it is really off. Probably by about .7mph. Point in case- at my best shape I was running on our treadmill at 6.5 mph; I went to our local gym one day and ran on theirs and found that my "normal" pace was actually around 8mph. Anyway, for the purpose of my blogging about my weightloss journey I'll just go with the readings from my crappy treadmill.
So then last night (Friday) I decided to run again. This time I went 2.6 miles. I'm super excited! It looks like I'm finally seeing the benefits of having exercised throughout my entire pregnancy, The weight may not have come off instantly, but I'm still clearly in great shape. When I first started running it took weeks to build up to continuously running that long. I can't wait to see how long it takes to get back up to 5 miles 5x a week!
Now for the plan: Operation Skinny Mama
Goal: to be 130lbs by May 2012
Current: 156lbs
Bigger goal: run the colfax 1/2 marathon in May 2012
Smaller goal: 150lbs by January
Now I'm flexible on the exact number for my goal weight. 130 would be awesome, but I'd rather be in shape and heavier than not exercising to the extent I want and thinner. We shall see!
The plan is to watch my calories but more importantly fuel my body with good foods. After all not all calories are created equal. Sugar does not fuel the body in the same way vegetables do. So I plan to eat more God made foods than man-made foods. I'm using MyFitnessPal to track my foods and calories. It's been very helpful and enlightening. Apparently I have been eating quite a bit more than I really need which is probably why I haven't seen much of a weightloss yet.
The tricky part about dieting is that I am breastfeeding Luke. I cannot really cut down the number of calories I'm eating without hurting my milk supply. The benefit of nursing is that it burns roughly 500 calories a day, but I still need to make sure I'm eating enough to produce milk. Hence the emphasis on eating RIGHT rather than eating less.
In addition to eating better I am going to continue to exercise. The plan for December is to go on a run every other day and do strength training on my off days. Strength training will consist of light weight lifting, lunges, burpees, push-ups, etc. I need to rebuild some lost muscles so I can run harder and faster. I really want to run the 1/2 in May so I've got to start training for it in January. 13 miles doesn't seem like much but it's a ton when you haven't run at all in 16 weeks.
So that's the plan! Anyone who wants to join me can look me up on MFP, username: Cyrena0825
Mostly I just want to get back to my hot, athletic self again. I like being in shape and healthy. I want my skinny jeans to fit again.
Today I bid goodbye to my beloved scones, m&m's, cookies and other sugary desserts. It's time for a new beginning. This is the only body I am ever going to have and I need to treat it right for the long run.
"No matter how slow you run, you are still lapping the person on the couch."
Saturday, November 12, 2011
I feel fat and self-love
The thing I hate about having babies is the post-partum body. I can tolerate sleep deprivation, crying, poopy diapers, looking haggard, etc. but I loathe the way my body looks right now.
With both pregnancies I gained more weight that I should have. I admit it. The first time I didn't really care and just packed on the pounds. This recent one though I genuinely tried to eat well and be active. I ran 3 miles 4-6times a week until I was 30 weeks along. I ate reasonably healthy and yet managed to pack on 37 pounds. "They" say the average woman should gain 25-30 so I'm not that much above recommendations but still.
At this point I am down about 20lbs; 8 of which were my baby. So that means another 17 to go... ugh. I'm not supposed to really exercise for another 4 weeks beyond walking. I'm trying to not over eat, but even that is difficult with breastfeeding. In theory I should be able to lose while nursing but I'm also paranoid about doing anything to hurt my supply with such a tiny baby. So no dieting, no exercise.
No clothes that fit. I hate maternity jeans. My shirts are all too small to accommodate my extra large boobs (milk adds about 2.5 cup sizes), my pants are too tight. Blech.
I hate it. HATE it. I've spent too many years feeling self-conscious thanks to those nasty people growing up who told me I was fat and ugly all the time. To this day I have very little grace for myself when it comes to how my body looks and feels. I had a baby 2.5 weeks ago and the evil voices are already raking me across the coals.
I have been reading a wonderful book called Blue Like Jazz. It's fabulous. I've really enjoyed it. One of the major points I have taken away from it was from the chapter on self love. The author applied the scripture "love your neighbor as you love yourself" in an entirely new way for me. Rather than focusing on how we treat others he applied it to how we treat ourselves. Would you say the things you tell yourself to your neighbor or friend? I can honestly say I never would.
I would never call my neighbor fat. I would never expect my neighbor to have a perfect body, especially after giving birth. I would never tell my neighbor their hair looks ridiculous and makes their face look fat. I'd never tell my neighbor they look awful or nickname my neighbor Ms. Jiggles.
In this case I certainly love my neighbor more than I love myself. Really though, is it possible to love others and hate yourself? How can we give love if we cannot receive it?
The bible says that God makes beautiful things out of dust, He makes everything glorious, that He makes everything new. So what does that make me? According to my incredible Father I am precious, beautiful with infinite value. I am worth dying for. If God views me this way, who am I to question the one who made the heavens and the earth? The only opinion that matters is His.
So fat and all I am going to try to embrace myself and my body. This, like everything, is temporary. I got a beautiful baby boy out of it all. He is totally worth every mile I will have to run to get back to "normal." He makes me feel beautiful.
With both pregnancies I gained more weight that I should have. I admit it. The first time I didn't really care and just packed on the pounds. This recent one though I genuinely tried to eat well and be active. I ran 3 miles 4-6times a week until I was 30 weeks along. I ate reasonably healthy and yet managed to pack on 37 pounds. "They" say the average woman should gain 25-30 so I'm not that much above recommendations but still.
At this point I am down about 20lbs; 8 of which were my baby. So that means another 17 to go... ugh. I'm not supposed to really exercise for another 4 weeks beyond walking. I'm trying to not over eat, but even that is difficult with breastfeeding. In theory I should be able to lose while nursing but I'm also paranoid about doing anything to hurt my supply with such a tiny baby. So no dieting, no exercise.
No clothes that fit. I hate maternity jeans. My shirts are all too small to accommodate my extra large boobs (milk adds about 2.5 cup sizes), my pants are too tight. Blech.
I hate it. HATE it. I've spent too many years feeling self-conscious thanks to those nasty people growing up who told me I was fat and ugly all the time. To this day I have very little grace for myself when it comes to how my body looks and feels. I had a baby 2.5 weeks ago and the evil voices are already raking me across the coals.
I have been reading a wonderful book called Blue Like Jazz. It's fabulous. I've really enjoyed it. One of the major points I have taken away from it was from the chapter on self love. The author applied the scripture "love your neighbor as you love yourself" in an entirely new way for me. Rather than focusing on how we treat others he applied it to how we treat ourselves. Would you say the things you tell yourself to your neighbor or friend? I can honestly say I never would.
I would never call my neighbor fat. I would never expect my neighbor to have a perfect body, especially after giving birth. I would never tell my neighbor their hair looks ridiculous and makes their face look fat. I'd never tell my neighbor they look awful or nickname my neighbor Ms. Jiggles.
In this case I certainly love my neighbor more than I love myself. Really though, is it possible to love others and hate yourself? How can we give love if we cannot receive it?
The bible says that God makes beautiful things out of dust, He makes everything glorious, that He makes everything new. So what does that make me? According to my incredible Father I am precious, beautiful with infinite value. I am worth dying for. If God views me this way, who am I to question the one who made the heavens and the earth? The only opinion that matters is His.
So fat and all I am going to try to embrace myself and my body. This, like everything, is temporary. I got a beautiful baby boy out of it all. He is totally worth every mile I will have to run to get back to "normal." He makes me feel beautiful.
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Back to blogging
After a break from blogging I think I'm going to give this thing a go again. I'll write more as a journal so that if no one ever reads it I have not wasted my time. It will serve as proof that I really do exist.
Life with two babies is going great. We are on week two and so far every prayer has been answered. Luke is a delightful little baby. He nurses like a champ, sleeps fairly well, barely cries and is just gorgeous. Judah is doing wonderful as a big brother. Though acting out a bit more than usual, he adores his baby and is mostly his sweet smart funny self.
I am doing awesome! So far no sign of depression, however, Jeff has been off work for the past two weeks to and has been a tremendous help to me. I'm worried about how I will handle it all come Wednesday, my first day alone with the babies. I'm confident that in a short time things will work out, I just need to take it all one day at a time. Please God give me strength, patience and joy.
I have been reading a lot recently and feeling very convicted. In two separate and very different books I have been challenged with the need to live for Jesus more actively in my life. What good is my faith if it is entire self absorbed and self serving. I want to be someone who lives for my Savior. Who ministers to the poor, takes care of windows and orphans, feeds the hungry, clothes the needy. This need is desperate in my heart. I have felt it for many years and always have the same problem.
It's the action steps that are a problem. I know what I want to do but lack the resources and knowledge to do it. I so wish I would have used what I had at CCU. They had ministries to every type of person you can imagine and I never once got involved in them. It's such a shame looking back. I have the desire but no resources.
I want to be a social activist. I care deeply about the suffering of others and I want to be someone who does something about it. Jeff and I give our money to causes that help people all over the world, but I want to do more than that. I want to get my hands dirty. Another problem that arises is that I feel totally disconnected from what is really happening in the world. I mean, how do people get accurate information about genocides in Africa, the systematic murder of babies girls in China, the needs of mothers all over the world, etc. I want to do something but I also don't have the knowledge. It's incredibly frustrating!
So here I sit with so much desire in my heart and no way to get involved. For now I will pray. Pray that God leads me to doors of opportunity to serve. I know that God will provide them I just hope I have the courage and the wisdom to see them and jump in.
I love my Savior. I want to be one who represents him well to the world. I refuse to be the typical Christian. I want to live like he did. I want to BE someone worth dying for.
Life with two babies is going great. We are on week two and so far every prayer has been answered. Luke is a delightful little baby. He nurses like a champ, sleeps fairly well, barely cries and is just gorgeous. Judah is doing wonderful as a big brother. Though acting out a bit more than usual, he adores his baby and is mostly his sweet smart funny self.
I am doing awesome! So far no sign of depression, however, Jeff has been off work for the past two weeks to and has been a tremendous help to me. I'm worried about how I will handle it all come Wednesday, my first day alone with the babies. I'm confident that in a short time things will work out, I just need to take it all one day at a time. Please God give me strength, patience and joy.
I have been reading a lot recently and feeling very convicted. In two separate and very different books I have been challenged with the need to live for Jesus more actively in my life. What good is my faith if it is entire self absorbed and self serving. I want to be someone who lives for my Savior. Who ministers to the poor, takes care of windows and orphans, feeds the hungry, clothes the needy. This need is desperate in my heart. I have felt it for many years and always have the same problem.
It's the action steps that are a problem. I know what I want to do but lack the resources and knowledge to do it. I so wish I would have used what I had at CCU. They had ministries to every type of person you can imagine and I never once got involved in them. It's such a shame looking back. I have the desire but no resources.
I want to be a social activist. I care deeply about the suffering of others and I want to be someone who does something about it. Jeff and I give our money to causes that help people all over the world, but I want to do more than that. I want to get my hands dirty. Another problem that arises is that I feel totally disconnected from what is really happening in the world. I mean, how do people get accurate information about genocides in Africa, the systematic murder of babies girls in China, the needs of mothers all over the world, etc. I want to do something but I also don't have the knowledge. It's incredibly frustrating!
So here I sit with so much desire in my heart and no way to get involved. For now I will pray. Pray that God leads me to doors of opportunity to serve. I know that God will provide them I just hope I have the courage and the wisdom to see them and jump in.
I love my Savior. I want to be one who represents him well to the world. I refuse to be the typical Christian. I want to live like he did. I want to BE someone worth dying for.
Monday, July 4, 2011
Life as it were
Howdy y'all!
It's been about a month since my last post and not a whole lot has changed. I'm still pretty dang lonely. I'm praying that God will bring me a friend or at the very least illuminate the ones I have. I've never had this kind of depression/loneliness during the summer before and I'm finding it a bit concerning. Hopefully something will change, soon.
I continue to grow as the weeks go on. I am currently 25 weeks pregnant, roughly 15 more to go. That doesn't seem like much until I remember that a semester of school was about 16 weeks. So I'm thinking of it as entering my final semester as an incubator. I'm trying to enjoy it and really soak it up since I believe this will be my last pregnancy.
Things are going well in the baby growing department. The midwives are pleased with my progress and not worried about anything. I still have the ok to run, however I think I'm seeing the end of that journey fast approaching. It's very difficult to run when you have a person bouncing on your bladder and causing minor contractions. Might have to switch to walking soon.
I've been concerned about my massive weight gain, up 17lbs so far. BUT I think I may have discovered the reason behind it. During pregnancy I add meat back into my diet for the sake of getting enough protein and iron. This meat also has more calories and fat than their veggie substitutes. I'm guessing that small change has made a BIG impact on my gain. Boo. At least I know I can get it off eventually.
I have plans to run a 1/2 marathon next May. I'm going to compete against my friend David. He's a novice runner and determined to beat me. I'm confident that he will, but don't tell him that. It's so much easier for men to get in shape and do these things. But at least I have someone willing to do it with me and great motivation to get back in shape.
I'm going to start focusing on thinking positive again. I need to get out of this funk. If I keep telling myself that no one likes me and apparently no one finds anything of value within me then eventually that will become my truth.
So. Happy thoughts... hmmm...
It's been about a month since my last post and not a whole lot has changed. I'm still pretty dang lonely. I'm praying that God will bring me a friend or at the very least illuminate the ones I have. I've never had this kind of depression/loneliness during the summer before and I'm finding it a bit concerning. Hopefully something will change, soon.
I continue to grow as the weeks go on. I am currently 25 weeks pregnant, roughly 15 more to go. That doesn't seem like much until I remember that a semester of school was about 16 weeks. So I'm thinking of it as entering my final semester as an incubator. I'm trying to enjoy it and really soak it up since I believe this will be my last pregnancy.
Things are going well in the baby growing department. The midwives are pleased with my progress and not worried about anything. I still have the ok to run, however I think I'm seeing the end of that journey fast approaching. It's very difficult to run when you have a person bouncing on your bladder and causing minor contractions. Might have to switch to walking soon.
I've been concerned about my massive weight gain, up 17lbs so far. BUT I think I may have discovered the reason behind it. During pregnancy I add meat back into my diet for the sake of getting enough protein and iron. This meat also has more calories and fat than their veggie substitutes. I'm guessing that small change has made a BIG impact on my gain. Boo. At least I know I can get it off eventually.
I have plans to run a 1/2 marathon next May. I'm going to compete against my friend David. He's a novice runner and determined to beat me. I'm confident that he will, but don't tell him that. It's so much easier for men to get in shape and do these things. But at least I have someone willing to do it with me and great motivation to get back in shape.
I'm going to start focusing on thinking positive again. I need to get out of this funk. If I keep telling myself that no one likes me and apparently no one finds anything of value within me then eventually that will become my truth.
So. Happy thoughts... hmmm...
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Is anybody out there?
Feeling pretty lonely these days.
It's amazing how motherhood gives moments of profound loneliness and yet you are never alone.
I could use a friend. Too bad they don't make want ads for that. This. Is. Sucky.
It's amazing how motherhood gives moments of profound loneliness and yet you are never alone.
I could use a friend. Too bad they don't make want ads for that. This. Is. Sucky.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)